uniglobe travel: Dear Bossip: We're In A Long Distance Relationship, But Sometimes ...

Dear Bossip,

I want to knock him out.

I?ve been with my man for?2 years now and I suppose things are going ok, well, for two people who are in a long distance relationship. And, when I mean long distance I mean a plane ride. We enjoy each other?s company and have fun when we?re together. I?ve dated a few other guys, but he makes me feel so much different. We call and Skype each other when we are not around. This normally works well, but recently he doesn?t call and prefers it if I called, seeing as?he doesn?t like buying calling cards. You would think he doesn?t have a good paying job!

At first I was kind of ok with it, but now it just pisses me off. If I don?t call him, we don?t speak, and this can go on for days even weeks. His communication is like that of a 3-year old, and he doesn?t tell me nothing. He just expects me to assume. I don?t think he?s cheating because he was kind of like that when I was there, but the fact that he acts this way and he makes no effort BOTHERS ME. And, sometimes I just wanna knock him out for his horrible ways. When I talk to him about not making an effort he says he?s busy and hasn?t got time. I?m not sure if I should end it, even though I deserve better than someone who can?t pick up the phone and call me at ALL! ? Long Distance Turmoil

Dear Ms. Long Distance Turmoil,

I just want to knock you out! What the hell!?!?! Ugh! When will you folks learn that long distance relationships do not, will not, and cannot work, especially if it involves a plan ride to see one another.

Long Distance relationships = YOU ARE NOT IN A RELATIONSHIP. YOU ARE RESERVED BOOTY UNTIL THE NEXT TIME I GET TO YOUR CITY.

In the infamous words of rapper Ludacris, ?Hoes in different area codes.?

And, then you women who say the infamous line, ?I?ve dated other guys, but he makes me feel so different.? LOL! I can?t! I can?t! I can?t! Girl, it?s called ?Game.? He will tell you anything to get in your pants, and will do anything to make you believe he?s not like the other guys. ?I?m not going to hurt you like the other dude/s, and your ex. I?m different. I?m doing things in my life. I got a plan. I?m focused. I?m not into playing games. I?m looking to settle down. You?re not like the other girl?s I?ve dated. You?re special. I feel a connection with you. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.?

Honey, action speaks louder than words. You notice that he doesn?t take any initiative to call you. He doesn?t even buy a calling card to phone you. Girl, the man got a cell phone! Why is he being so cheap? Why is he buying calling cards? Who uses calling cards? Where they do that at? And, if he really wanted to be serious with you he would have a landline phone and wouldn?t mind calling you. A man who is interested in a woman, especially the woman he wants to be with, will make a vital effort to keep her, maintain constant communication, and Ms. Honey, he will have frequent flyer miles up the ying-yang from all the trips coming to visit you, and he will give you some so that you can visit him. But, you, dumbass, can?t see the forest for the trees.

Get out of your dumbness and open your eyes. HE IS NOT INTO YOU! Girl, you even said: ?When I talk to him about not making an effort he says he?s busy and hasn?t got time.? Uhm, sweetie, if he?s too busy and hasn?t got time to make any effort toward fixing, or adjusting the relationship to accommodate you, then it?s a wrap! You?re not the one, two, or three. Hell, you?re not even a woman he sees himself being serious with. I bet when he sees you calling he sighs, rolls his eyes, sucks his teeth, and drudgly answers the phone. He?s not enthused, or excited to hear from you. SMDH!

But, I?m not just addressing you. I?m addressing all the other letters that are similar to yours that I have received recently. All of you are writing in asking the same question with the same situation ? ?Why won?t he commit? How come he won?t make me his girlfriend? I don?t feel special. I don?t feel he loves me. I?m frustrated, and although I know I deserve better, I am sticking around because I love him.? SIGH! What to do, what to do, what to do?

Well, I wrote a book called, STRAIGHT FROM YOUR GAY BEST FRIEND ? The Straight Up Truth About Relationships, Work, And Having? A Fabulous Life. I beg, plead, and urge you all to purchase it, read it, digest it, and study it like you know your weaves, Mac make-up number, and the fake purses you try to pass off as real. Here?s the link to Amazon, click HERE!

In the meantime I am sharing an excerpt from the book. The chapter is called: Every Man Is Not Relationship Material: ?Get Up and Move On.? I hope you all will take heed, especially you Ms. Long Distance Turmoil. Please do yourself a favor and move on from him. He?s not worth investing in, especially if he is not investing in you. He?s made it abundantly clear by his actions that you?re an option for him. He?s not making any attempts to make you feel desired, wanted, needed, or loved. But, if you?re happy and you want to continue to see where it goes, then knock yourself out. Literally knock your own dumbass out!

Chapter Excerpt:

If a man tells you that he is not interested in being in a relationship, then guess what? That means not with you, either. I don?t care how many times he has taken you out on a date, sexed you really well, and given you late night conversation. True, his actions are saying something totally different, but, if he says he is not interested in a relationship, then he is not interested. Let him go. Do not get your hopes up thinking you can change his mind. Because the truth of the matter is, everything he is doing with you, and all the time he may be spending with you, he is doing the same with other women. They are getting equal amounts of his time.

Let him go and move on. It will save you untold time and aggravation trying to figure out why the two of you are not a couple.

If a man tells you that he has a girlfriend, but is always looking for more female friends, run, run, run! He is not faithful. That is a tell-tale neon sign that he will not be faithful to you, either. Some women actually think it?s cute to be dating a man with a girlfriend, or many lady friends, and they think they are getting one over on the unsuspecting girlfriend. Trust me, there is nothing cute about it. There is a thing known as karma. You may not feel its effects immediately, but trust me, Honey, karma will come back and bite you in the butt. Leave that man and drama alone.

If a man tells you that he just came out of a relationship, ladies, then you?d better believe he is not ready to jump into another relationship immediately. Let him have his time to grieve, mourn, or celebrate his way out of his situation. Trying to get someone to commit into another relationship when they just came out of one is a disaster waiting to happen. But some women will try to convince that man that they are not like the ex-girlfriend who did him wrong. She will not nag him like his ex, and unlike his last girlfriend, she won?t require a lot of time and attention.

Lies, pure lies, I tell you.

Think about the amount of time you needed to get over your last serious ex.

If you don?t allow him the time to heal and let go of his ex, she will show up in your relationship with him. Trust me.

If a man only calls you after midnight to come over to his house, well, this is an easy one. I shouldn?t have to go any further and explain. But just in case you don?t understand, Ms. Honey, it?s a booty call. That?s right. He does not see you as a woman he would like to be in a relationship with. He only sees you as a sex partner. If that?s what you are looking for, then knock yourself out. If you are looking for a good man who respects you, move on. This one only thinks of you as a sexual being.

If a man is not willing to define the relationship he has with you, then you are not in a relationship. If every time you bring up the subject, his response is, ?You?re cool,? or, ?We?re just chilling,? or, ?Why we got to define this?? This man is clearly not the one for you. He cannot be honest or open enough to express how he feels for you. Why would you sit around waiting on a little boy? Only a small child cannot clearly articulate their feelings. The man for you will not hesitate or clam up when it?s time to share his feelings and emotions. He will certainly be able to express if he is into you, and that you are his one and only lady.

If you have been seeing a man for over six months and you?ve never been to his home, have not met any of his friends or family members, and you are still not sure where he works, this is surely a clear indication that you don?t have a relationship with him. You know nothing about this man.

Why is he being so discreet? He is obviously hiding something. Let him go and move on. Why would you want to be with a man who is not willing to share his personal life with you? It?s not worth it to play detective and explore his background. (And I know some of you will, because you like snooping and being nosy.) If he is not forthright with basic information, just let him and his secrets go. Some things, you are better off not knowing. ? Terrance Dean?

Hey Bossip Fam, what do you think? Share your opinions and thoughts below!

Also, e-mail all your questions Terrance Dean: loveandrelationships@bossip.com

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Make sure to get your copy of my new book,? Mogul: A Novel (Atria Books ? June 2011; $15). It is available in bookstores everywhere, and on Amazon, click? HERE!